I began to do strange things. Sometimes in the early hours, I would put on my dark blue tracksuit and slip silently out of the house. I just needed to be within the comfort of the woods. In my imagination, the trees had become my friends.I even had names for my favourite ones. Things reached a crisis point when I chose Mr Patterson, a quite young Silver Birch tree, and spent several minutes talking to him. Things however soon spiralled out of control. In my stressed-out mind, I believed that not only did he understand what I was saying but that he was talking back to me. I stroked his smooth bark it felt good very hard and quite cold.I wanted to show him love because he was a true friend. I began by kissing and licking his trunk he seemed to approve. I slipped off my tracksuit I wanted to show myself to him. (Was I going insane?) It was good to be naked among my many friends.There was a small area of soft slightly wet grass directly in front of Mr Patterson and I wanted him to watch. The only question was how far she would go, and whether I’d let her.“I don’t know, I’m kind of busy. I’ve got a lot of work to do.” Which was actually a lie. I really didn’t have anything that I needed to be doing.Then she almost blew it. “Oh, you mean you aren’t retired?”“What makes you think that I’m retired?”Her confidence started to waver. “Well, you look as old as my mom, and you don’t go anywhere during the day …”I really couldn’t fault her assumption all that much; I mean her mom is retired, so it wasn’t a stretch to assume that I was, also. Still, I was going to make her work for it. “I’m not retired. I work from home,” I replied rather curtly. “Why can’t you borrow your mom’s car, or have her drive you?”“Mom drove with some friends to play the slots at the Indian casino, and won’t be home for a couple of days.” She now appeared to be genuinely afraid that I would turn her down. “Look, I can pay you for your time, if that’s it.”I smiled, deciding to let her off the hook. “No,.
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